Sad or Mad

I can't tell how i'm feeling...

Tonight i had a patient who is breathing 5 times a minute.
A normal person breaths 12-20 times a minute.

He's going to die.

I can't figure if i'm just sad or mad because he's going to die... alone.

His family doesn't seem to have a real reason to come out since he's been on "death's door" for 3 weeks now.

But death is close for him. His body is showing signs.

I can sit with him but i don't feel i offer the comfort of a touch he's known his whole life.
I seem to get so angry when family members aren't present for these moments in their loved ones lives.
But a las, i check on him and comfort him as i can. Knowing i'm the only one at his side.

Whenever i go through something like this i always remind Jason that wheather you think i can hear you or not stay by my side.

hold my hand.

until my final breath,

hold my hand. I don't want to be alone.

No one should ever die alone.