Whatever is..

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

Not often  ever have I woken up with a verse in my heart. Never. Maybe hard to believe, but never have i woken from sleep and immediately thought of a verse that stuck with me. 

Jason left to take Judah to school this morning. I called him on his way and said, hey where can i find the verse that talks about "whatever is pure, lovely, noble.. ". He said in Philippians so i dug and found it.

I then posted it as my facebook status, because that's what Christians do, let everyone know they really do read the bible.  *insert sarcasm* 

I didn't think much more about it until i got into the shower.

For the 5 minutes or less it takes me to take a shower, that is my morning God time. Always has been since i starting having kids. 

I'm alone.

I can think.

And for some reason i was brought back to a time, this morning, when i was 15 and severely depressed. Not many know i ever dealt with depression. And at the time, i'm not sure i even knew it was depression.

It was scary dark.

Lonely.

Void.

Hopeless.

It lasted about 2 weeks, and then one day i woke a new person. 

Something was brought to me this morning in the shower as if God was saying-- protect yourself Kathy.

I was reminded when i was 15, never wanted to eat, not wanting to get out of bed, not talking to my family, just lonely.

At the time i remember reading my Bible and thinking it was like dead leaves on the ground.

Useless.

Barron.

Starved.

Worthless.

Dry.

At times in my life now i can feel my emotions and self worth treading back to those dark days when i felt so alone.

By nature i am not a depressed person. I am happy, i am independent, and i do have self worth. 

But...

When i let my mind wander to the things that are not pure...noble...lovely...admirable, i tend to drift back into those days of darkness.

Interesting that God would place that verse in my heart this morning, as if to say Kathy, this is my warning, my plea, to you, that you would look to me and that you would think of the things that are

true

noble

right

pure

lovely

admirable

everything that is excellent and praiseworthy.

That when i wake in the morning and wonder if a friend has thought of me, He has.

When i wake in the morning and wonder if my children will be healthy, He knows.

When i have anxiety about what the week holds, He understands.

How precious.

So thankful God would see fit, first thing in the morning, to place a scripture on my heart, that could have just turned the course of my week, month, or year. To not let me go down the dark path i seem to easily find. But help me focus on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable.

I'm left feeling grateful to a heavenly father, that knows my heart. Little me. in all the world, he had a word for me in the morning.

I'm so glad i listened...