I recently had a coffee couch chat with one of my favorite people, Livy. Livy is a friend I've had for a long time. Our husbands were youth pastors at the same time and we did lots of camps and such with them.
Livy and I view life and ministry a lot alike and i always enjoy sitting and talking with her about life, ministry and everything in between.
Livy asked me the question that many of my friends do "So Kathy, How are you with Jason as the lead pastor."
Until my conversation with Livy i didn't really have an answer.
I didn't really have a way to explain my heart and mind.
Well maybe i did have an answer, but i think i was embarrassed of my answer feeling that it wasn't right. Yet as i was processing it with Livy it became so perfectly clear.
A few weeks, maybe a month ago, not sure, time has never really been my thing. So awhile ago, God laid the word Dwell on my heart. And i used that word to explain my feelings about my life.
I told Livy i haven't looked up yet.
Jason's job is overwhelming.
My role, whatever that is beyond the home, is overwhelming.
So i dwell. I stay still. But is that bad?
I feel as though looking up and taking on a "role" is something i can't do. The thought of all that goes on in a day in the life of ministry is to much for me.
So i dwell.
I focus on the things Jesus has given me a passion for and pursue them with everything in me. Dwell doesn't mean i sit and don't take action.
By dwell i mean my nose is in the Bible.
I sit in the presence of Jesus.
I bask in his peace and covering.
I'm still to listen to his voice whisper to my heart.
I can't look up yet.
For me the goods are found in praying over my husband and children.
That God would protect their comings and goings.
That God would supernaturally open the heavens and move in a community we so deeply love.
The goods to me are found in this safe cocoon.
This safe covering of the Lords presence.
I believe there is a time to break out.
But i know that time isn't now because when i look up and try and understand the mantle on which my husband holds i become paralyzed.
So i know the time isn't now.
I know my place is to dwell.
My place in this life may always be to dwell. To sit. To pray. To be.
And i'm ok with that.
dwell : to linger
So this Monday finds me lingering over the things of Jesus. Praying over the work God is doing in our future campus pastors. Lingering over the details in prayer.
My eyes are fixed on Jesus. And for now, probably forever, that is a state in which i am. Moving the works of Jesus forward one prayer at a time. And looking around it seems to be working.
I love your sanctuary, Lord, the place where your glorious presence dwells.