today was rough

4 week of sickness is to long.
4 weeks of coughs, sore throats, missed work, sleepless nights, and all that sickness entails.

Today the urgent care opened at 8am.
I took the kids there while Jason was at church. I didn't tell him until i was all checked in. It's his birthday. I didn't want him to worry about us.

My fears were true. Judah has bronchitis. the 4 weeks of coughing had finally turned into an infection. Antibiotics for him.

The dreaded "It's just a virus" was what i got for Jocelyn who has a new croupy cough but her ears and lungs checked out fine. The doubled edged sword, i'm glad she's ok but i know she will take the same course as Judah has so, a wasted copay is how i felt.

A wasted copay from a mom who's only worked 4 days the entire month of February.  A mom who doesn't run to the doctor every cold but trys to use my 4 visits i get a year wisely.
Fail.
At least i felt I had failed.

Oh.
And today is Sunday.
A big day in this pastor family.
A day i like to be present.
A day i like to feel "On".
To be at my best.

Well. Today i needed to be a member. I couldn't really hear because of my ear and sinus infection (i'm not contagious, no worries!). I thought Andy's mic was off at first, i almost was going to motion to him i couldn't hear it.
Oh yea, Kathy, It's you--your ears are still plugged 4 weeks later.

So i worshiped.
oh i worshiped.
I needed to sing to Jesus.
I needed to take my eyes off myself.

I apologize for the missed conversations or the awkward glances i may have given because my eyes were teary or i couldn't hear. Lets be honest. I couldn't hardly think straight after i was up since 5am and doctors and pharmacies all before 9am.

But church.
I needed church.

God Bless my fabulous mother who took my kids home so i could soak in God's presence.

And his presence was thick.

So Kathy Remember this tomorrow when you wake to sick kids again for the uncountable number of days:
You are loved.
You are cherished.
You are accountable to no one accept Jesus.
You don't have to be "on".
You don't have to smile when the creases in the corners of your mouth just can't seem to make their way upward.
You don't have to feel like you let people down.
Your first job is a daughter of Christ.
Your second job is a wife & mother.
You fulfilled those this past month, regardless of what your work attendance shows. You done well girl!

Thanks Jesus.
I needed the pep talk tonight.
I'm missing my husband preaching at the service he just took over. Put a knife to my heart.