A Year

A year ago we took a family trip to the Ocean the week before Easter.  Easter is a busy time for our family. We had been stressed out and needed some time away. So away to Ocean shores we went to one of our favorite spots.

On the drive there God impressed on my heart to have a conversation with Jason about me returning to work full time. A conversation i had been thinking about and talking with God about but didn't want to have it with my husband.

You see, i already knew God called me to go back to work full time. And i knew jason would 100% support that call. But i personally, with every fiber in my being did NOT want to return to work full time. I wanted the opposite. I wanted to quit work.

After wresting with God and coming to Jason frustrated at what God had asked me to do, we talked about it. Over the few days at the ocean God gave me clarity and a peace.

The first week of May i returned to work full time.

This May marks 1 year of me deciding to do what God has called me to do, Against every fiber in my being. I dragged my feet and stubbornly went back to work full time. Working to pay off debt and be better stewards of our money. Full well knowing God's best for me isn't always what i see. And I trust the God who created me enough, to put my stubborn shoes aside, and do what he's asked me to do. So i did.

This May, after 1 year of working full time. Not always happily. Not with a huge smile on my face. And not always with joy in my heart. I will be done. May 10 marks my last day as a full time working mama. I have taken a job at Evergreen (Same floor and same shift) as an "on-call" nurse. I am to only fulfill 2 shifts a month and i can choose the days. (Did i mention nursing is a great job?)

This past year has brought frustration. I was involved in a situation at work for almost 8 months which was terrible and has left me feeling incredibly burnt out. Why i was part of this situation, only Jesus knows the answer to. It took an emotional toll on me as a nurse and an emotional toll on me as a Christian working in a non-Christian environment. The situation has since fizzled out but it's toll on me was great.

I will not always understand the depths of why i went back to work full time or the possible (praying) impact it may have had on my co-workers whom i care for deeply. But i love the career of nursing. I love what i get to do. And the love for my job this past year was tested in the things i saw and the things i went through.

So not only is my goal to be home more and spend more time with our family. Since lets face it, i've worked Jason's days off since we had kids, which will be 7 years. It's time for some consistent family time! But i have a goal in the next few years to find a spot of nursing which i love and to let that job guide me into my retirement.

So i end by saying Thank you to Jesus. Who's timing is always better than mine. A year ago we didn't know Jason would have a sabbatical for 2 months starting the same week i cut back at work. Jesus knew. He knew. And for that i am deeply grateful and blessed beyond belief.

Jesus knew the weariness would seep in. He knew how thick it would be. He knew my heart has been tender toward my children and the desire to be home. He knew my job would take me down roads and through situations i didn't want to go. Yes he prepared me and walked me through. And i couldn't have made a better ending to this year of full time than the one He made for us.

God is faithful to take our desires and our dreams. Our wants and our "out of reaches" and hold them close till the perfect time and then release them.

He is a Father. He desires to love us.
I am so thankful.