Wake up heart

I'm sensitive.
You don't need to know that about me. It's personal. But whatever.

Yesterday.
Today.
Both day i woke up with a feeling of Blah.
I hate those days.  And i've very sensitive to them.

I hate when i feel nothing. Nada. Empty.

But i've been following Jesus long enough to know that he doesn't operate on feelings. He gave me feelings as indicators, not dictators (Thanks Lysa Terkurst).

Jason's been gone all week 8-5 after a month of him home. We are gearing up for another 3 weeks of travel. My mind is racing fitting all the shopping trips into our budget when i have stepped back from working.

Judah finished school and has seriously thrown me for a loop with his depressed state. Its made me cry on the phone to friends. When my kids feel; I feel. I can't help it. I adore them and want to help. I can't help the missing of school buddies. Well, i kinda can. Play date scheduled today.

Oh but my heart.
I want to reach in and wake it up. I want that Joy, that presence i felt making the macaroni salad. I want it all the time. And nothing. Doesn't come. I'm in the word. I'm praying. Still. Nothing.

Seasons of faith are weird.
They don't come like the weather. They aren't a pattern. They are unexpected. They are probably meant to be unexpected or we wouldn't feel at such a loss and rely all on Jesus' strength.

Anyone getting me this morning?

Enough blah!

Off to start the day. Enjoying the moments good and bad. The lessons in-between the highs and lows of life. I'm still in the palm of the Fathers hand, and really, that's the only place i need to be.

Happy Thursday.