Recent changes with Jason's job have necessitated me to pull back and dig deep to see God's hand moving in our life.
I say Jason's job.
Yet, i deeply know it is a calling and far more than just a job. Peoples lives are on the line. Hell is real.
Almost a year and a half ago Jesus spoke to Jason and i separately. We had been praying about our position at Creekside and asking God what was next for us. Asking God how we can continue to serve Him. And asking God if this is where he would want us to spend the next years of ministry. This is something we do often. All the time actually. It is nothing new. We are always wanting to stay in the will of God. We are always asking God to widen our territory. People need Jesus.
And for almost 2 years now Jason and I have been in a heart process. A change of sorts. God has been steadily readying our hearts for the task he has laid out before us:
Creekside church as a whole.
The Lynnwood Campus.
Jason being interim lead pastor.
All of this.
God has been steadily working to ready our hearts. Never did we know what for. Yet he was so gracious to speak so clearly to our hearts to say "Change is coming. You will know it is me. Be on guard, be prayerful, stay vigilant, I am moving." And we have done so, together. We have stayed faithful with palms open to the Lord and how he would use our lives to further His mission.
I stepped away from Facebook due to some issues with anxiety i was having. (See previous blogs) And honestly needed to just pull away from people. There are seasons God asks us to speak up, and seasons God asked us to take a moment and relive our love and desire for him.
I stayed in Gods word daily. Listening to it on my phone. Reading it in my Bible. It was my lifeline. I would pick a verse and just ponder it all day. Sometimes weeks. Just letting it soak deep into my heart.
One night i was crying. Knowing my dad was going to leave as the lead pastor and all the weight that would be transferred to Jason's shoulders, even in the interim. I was scared. I was incredibly afraid to the core. The lead pastor is a wonderful shelter for the people. For the staff. They are a spiritual hedge around the flock. Their face is in the devils mind daily.
Yes our God is greater. Bigger. Stronger.
I was still scared.
Alone in my living room.
Kids at school.
I just cried to God.
"God i am so desperate for you presence. Your tangible presence in my life. I need to feel you. I need you to go before me. I need to know your hand is physically sheltering our life."
And in a moment.
Clear to this day this picture has replayed in my mind over and over.
It's a vision of Jason with his arm around me, walking on a path. He is looking ahead, never to the side, never down, never up, always straight ahead. And i am only looking at Jason smiling at him. Praying over him. Never looking ahead always at Jason.
We are on a path and we can only see our next step. All around is fog...
And on each of our shoulders is a hand.
Jesus stands between us and has a hand on our shoulders guiding us one step at a time.
And a rush of the strongest wave possible of peace came rushing through my body. A tangible sense of the Lord came over my body.
And from that moment on i have never felt alone.
I have always felt his tangible presence.
I share my experience to say God is always at work in our life. Always gracious to give space to grow in our relationship with Him. How gracious he was to whisper to our hearts a year and a half ago that change would come. Be ready.
If you struggle, as i do sometimes, to hear Gods voice.
Maybe your life is to loud.
Maybe you have your ears to crowded and your heart to full to sense the tangible presence of God.
And i'm so thankful his steady hand has been with me and will continue to be with me through every season of change.